my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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