I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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