I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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