I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
