They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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