You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
