did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
