I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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