No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
