Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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