Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
