i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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