oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
