Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
