I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
