My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
