Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
