cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
