Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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