Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
