....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
