Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
