I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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