Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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