He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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