Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
