what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
