Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
