Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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