We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
