Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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