Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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