Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
