I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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