He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
