Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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