we have pet lesbian snakes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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