Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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