Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
