She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
