yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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