FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
