____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
