HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
