you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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