it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
