can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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