this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
