I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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