Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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