Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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